My human will never let me eat his pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
I will not slurp fish food from the top of the aquarium.
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs and then come home and throw them up so the humans can see I'm getting plenty of roughage.
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late night snacks.
We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of Serengeti" over any human's bed when she's trying to sleep.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while poeple are bringing in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly while he is on the family room floor trying to sit-ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, her forearm's are *not* a hammock.
Computer and T.V. screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
I will not puff my body to twice it's normal size after my human has watched a horror movie.
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the X-Files.
I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my human can admire my "kill."
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until he wakes up.
I will not walk on the key board while my human is typing important documents. (NOT)
I will-
I guess I interrupted. Maybe she wasn't expecting me to force myself to go to church this morning.
...Okay, I only streamed it on the internet, but still.
